You do not appreciate the power you have.
I often see you writing things on Facebook which totally dis-regard the fact you are sitting behind the world’s biggest and best super computer.
Why do you insist on asking such simple questions? These include “does anyone know what time X Factor is on tonight?” and “can someone translate this [insert foreign text] for me?”
Are you so blind? Are you so foolish?
As you waste minutes seeking a pathetic surface level exchange on Facebook which you hope will bring a simple answer to your puny question, you forget you are seconds away accessing the aforementioned super computer!
The last thing I asked this computer was (for purely demonstrative purposes, I’m not emigrating) ”temperature in Cyprus”. (Those who are wise among you will note this is not strictly a question, as the grammar is incorrect.) But I do not need to correctly phrase my question – and that’s because this super computer is not as dumb as one of its predecessors (ridiculously dressed as a Butler I seem to remember…) which constantly begged you to ask, ask, ask(.com).
Anyway, not only can this super computer manoeuvre its way through bad grammar, it does not require me to spell words like antidisestablishmentarianism correctly (thank the good Lord!).
For example, If I were to write “Ciprus”, this computer (without so much as a tut at my inability to spell even the most basic of names) will automatically display results for “Cyprus”.
What can this super computer do exactly? At its most basic level, it simply searches for words. But words is not its only forte! Oh no, it’s not just a dictionary. It’s rather good with numbers too. It’s a world clock, a thermometer a currency exchanger and a calculator. It’s also managed to map the entire earth (no need to ask for directions guys, the super computer has it covered).
It’s easier to tell you what it can’t do than it is to try and explain everything it can do!
What about when your pathetic brain can’t remember even the most common of words? I remember once I forgot the name of an ‘ambulance’ midway through a conversation. I called it a “big hospital truck thing”. I should have consulted the super computer. I could have typed “mobile hospital truck is called *” into my smartphone as the super computer completes your sentence if you use the asterisk at the end – thus revealing the word you had momentarily forgotten!
Google, I salute you. You’re the world’s biggest and best super computer. You’ve earned your reputation as the world’s biggest and best search engine, providing information on any subject you could ever imagine. But sometimes, I have to wonder if you’re also the world’s best kept secret. Your potential is huge, and so much greater than many realise.
So, world. Until you stop asking your silly questions, I’m going to do the following. *copies silly question* *pastes into lmgtfy.com* *follows on screen instructions* *pastes link back into facebook box*
Yours sincerely and much too sarcastically,
The story of school girl Megan Stammers and Maths teacher Jeremy Forrest has shocked my home town of Eastbourne and the whole nation.
After taking Megan to France without the knowledge of her parents, Jeremy was caught and is due to be extradited back to the UK. He will face the criminal charge of ‘abduction’ which carries a maximum sentence of 7 years. From a quick reading of case law, it looks like he could be locked up for around 18 months at most.
But some have claimed any legal action would be a waste of time and money.
“It could be that they are madly in love,” said one Daily Mail commenter.
For me, whether they are “in love” or not is irrelevant. It’s disturbing that people are rushing to defend Forrest.
The Crime of Love?
Another commenter, this time on an Independent article said:
“As his lawyer said, his only crime was that he fell in love with a 15yr old…he was stupid the way he went about it, but I don’t think there will be any more than 5-10% of anyone who knows about this story that thinks he did it with any malice or force/manipulation of the girl, and that she didn’t know what she was doing. Again we’re casting judgement…but all I’m said is that I agree with Martin – love has no boundaries.”
His “only crime” was not to fall in love with a 15 year old. That is not a crime. Taking a 15 year old out of the country against the knowledge and will of her parents is a crime. The fact that he was a teacher and therefore abusing his privileged position only makes it worse.
If the UK government did not prosecute Mr Forrest they would send the message that it’s OK for any adult to take any child wherever they wanted in the world – as long as “love” was involved!
A Willing Abductee?
Forrest’s best defence will be that Megan went willingly. I have no problem with this lowering his sentence, but it does not and should not let him off the hook. ‘Abduction’ may not be the best word to use as it implies Megan was taken against her wishes – but I wholeheartedly defend UK law stating that someone other than a child’s parents taking a child out of the country without consent is illegal, morally reprehensible and totally unacceptable.
Anyone who suggests otherwise need only put themselves in Megan’s parents shoes. Imagine a stranger taking your daughter out of the country and not being able to contact either of them. Once you think that scenario through, I’m sure you’ll agree it’s right that Jeremy Forrest is brought to justice.
As for the sentence, I think we can all agree 5 years in prison would be harsh. But some are saying that any prison sentence would be harsh.
Sending a message
But if Forrest is not locked up, that sends the message that if a teacher runs away with a pupil, the worst that will happen is they lose their job. That will be a risk some are willing to take. Being locked up in prison for running away with a pupil is a different risk to take. I think a prison sentence would be a good deterrent. And in this area, a deterrent is clearly needed to stop such incidents from happening in the future.
There are related issues here. Anyone under 18 is a child. Young people don’t like this. Plenty of teenagers want to be “grown up” and will chase “adult relationships” – many of which will be inappropriate. At the same time there’s an epidemic of adults in their 20s and 30s who don’t want to grow up, get a job and contribute to society. They’d rather live with their parents, remain on JSA and play COD all day long. The children want to be adults and the adults want to be children.
I’ll stop there before I make any more sweeping generalisations that are likely to get me into trouble.
Over to you…Would love to hear your answers to the question in the headline…
Like many young people, tonight’s news that the government is to raise tuition fees to £9,000 a year makes me sick!
Personally, I think I’m already paying enough. Graduating with upwards of £30,000 debt is quite enough thank you very much. I don’t want any more.
The fact that the Liberal Democrats promised not to raise tuition fees (which won them a lot of votes from students) have done exactly that makes the news even worse.
But before we all sink into this pit of depression, let’s take a step back and ask a wider question. Is going to university a right, or a privilege?